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Joke of the Day

"it says here you got fired from Olive Garden because you kept saying ""pasta la vista, baby"" to people. why would you put that on a resume"

"What do gay men and Xbox's have in common? They both get red rings when they're fucked."

"""Awww look my boyfriend left his Facebook open, I'm going to log him off without checking his inbox."" Said no woman ever"

"The only chance of me reaching the third base ever... ...is while playing baseball"

"Ways To Win My Heart: 1) Be smoking hot 2) Be thin 3) Be a pig 4) Be bacon"

"How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship? 9/11"

"A teacher asks her student Teacher: What does a Bee gives us? Student: Honey Teacher: What does a cow gives us? Student: Milk Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us? Student: Homework"

"I totally understand how batteries feel Because I'm rarely ever included in things either."

"(really fucked up joke) How do you say happiness in German? Auschwitz"

"Pretty insulting when you wake up in a bathtub of ice and they left all your organs."