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Joke of the Day

"How to win the war on drugs... .1) Legalize all drugs. .2) Require that all drugs must be purchased through Comcast customer service."

"Did you hear about the guy who fell in a vat at the eyeglass factory? He really made a spectacle of himself."

"A Greek, an Irishman and a Portuguese spend the evening drinking in a bar. Who picks up the tab? The German."

"Teenage Jesus: Hey dad, why you wearing that crucifix? God: It's an idea I have for a public holiday. TJ: Huh? G: It's complicated."

"Oh, you used ""whom"" in casual conversation. Well, I didn't realize I was in the presence of William Fucking Shakespeare."

"I accidentally rear ended a mercedes with a midget driver... he got out, looked at the damage and yelled ""I am not happy!"". I replied ""fine, which one are you then?"""

"I'm giving up eating food off the floor for Lent"

"You know you're old when the band you love plays an encore and it just stresses you out because you have work tomorrow and need to get home."

"What did the doctor do after he finished reading the book? He removed the appendix!"

"How does a Jew make tea? Hebrews it. -- How does a Jew make beer? --Hebrews Hops"