228240

Joke of the Day

"Come to my apartment on black friday and get all your clothes 100% off."

"My British friend Julian Wang just bought his first automobile We call it the Wang car. //needs work"

"What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek? A golden opportunity"

"Knock knock Who's there? Not victoria"

"Why do demons love apostrophes? They show possession."

"[My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours."

"So, this dugong was all up in my face today askin what kinda shirt I was wearin. I said, ""Manatee."""

"PLEASE LEAVE A VOICEMAIL (if you're calling from 1986)"

"A friend asked me what's my best American impression... ""I don't want to go to the doctor because it's too expensive."""

"Cop: ""Can you describe the person who robbed you?"" Me: ""He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"""