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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a mosquito sitting on your wife's cheek? A golden opportunity"

"Apparently UFC is not Ultimate Fried Chicken and now I'm even hungrier watching huge greased up men touch each other inappropriately."

"I ran a whole 5K and didn't even eradicate cancer"

"A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop someone asked ""Where did you get that?"" The pig replied ""I won her in a raffle!"""

"Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac with tourettes? He was up all last night wondering if there is a cunt."

"""This team looks good,"" said my son of the somewhat browner soccer team who were not yet playing soccer. #racist"

"A Scotsman walks into a bar usually he is with an Englishman, an Irishman and a Welshman but they are all in France for the Euros."

"I tried to convince the grape that she had dried out... But I just couldn't raisin with her. I'll see myself out."

"Goldilocks was killed last night The murderers did it with their own bear hands"

"Funny how the more out-of-shape someone is, the more likely they are to refer to their favorite sports team as ""we."""