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Joke of the Day

"It's kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there."

"What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table."

"""Nurse, I need 10 cc's of fluid, a scalpel and 100+ retweets about this kid from a celebrity on Twitter. STAT!"" - 2013 doctor"

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall."

"Have you ever had a close call with a shark? No, but one did ring me up long distance once"

"Anything you say can and will be held against you boobies"

"Why did my Exotic Bird Startup Store fail? I didn't have enough seed money."

"Buckwheat from the Little Rascals just converted to Islam.. Now he's Kareem of Wheat."

"I want the leaves in my yard to leaf Maple I should rake them. But hey, they do spruce it up a bit."

"Dude yapping nonstop at the gym just said he works out in the afternoons to avoid people who talk. Is it okay to fling a dumbbell at him?"