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Joke of the Day

"are you a female guitar player with a breathy, annoying voice? congratulations Starbucks will play your music, no questions asked"

"[job interview] ""any questions?"" yeah is it Pets Mart or Pet Smart? ""ma'am this is a bank"" I know but you seem like a man with some answers"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, homosexual rooster? Dude'll do a cock!"

"I witnessed a murder today... Though it may have just been a flock of jackdaws, I'm not a biologist."

"So I'm making a Marvin Gaye tribute band... We're gonna be called 'Marvin Gayer'."

"Not saying dogs are better than kids in every aspect; but good luck finding a kid willing to lick up his own vomit."

"Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials."

"How do you organise games in Pompeii? Make aedile."

"If you can't handle my interpretive dance to November Rain than you don't deserve me doing splits on the hood of your car to Whitesnake."

"14-year old Becky writes ""Stop wars"" as her Facebook status. It gets nine ""likes"", all from world leaders. Peace reigns forever. She did it."