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Joke of the Day
"Why did Silver have such a successful rap career? He was truly Ag."
Next Joke
"""RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"" ""Kraken's not here."" ""What? Ugh! What can we release?"" ""Gary's here."" ""Gary?! Dammit! Fine... RELEASE THE GARY!"""
"*Buys a bunch of wooden letters* Cashier: Feeling crafty? Me: Nope, just trying to make a name for myself."
"Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team."
"Football players, basketball players and soccer players all play with balls. How come my girlfriend refuses to."
"There should be a terrible show about a woman, her mom, and her daughter, all 3 named Jennifer, called ""Jenerations"" on Lifetime or the CW."
"If it's one thing I hate, it's an Indian-giver... No, I take that back."
"The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat"
"I think Head & Shoulders should have a body wash line called Knees & Toes"
"My stapler is pretty terrible at holding these pages together... ...thank goodness for staples, huh!?"