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Joke of the Day

"I can never talk about religion... ...no one understands me when I tell them i'm a Dyslexic Santaist."

"Why is it okay when a woman has sex with someone half her age, but when a man does it, it's awesome?"

"When I'm dead, I'm going to haunt offices and say, ""OooOoo... why are you using your mouse?... hit Control-C... you're taking forever..."""

"What do you call someone who can't do anything? HR"

"What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming? Paul stop monkeying around!"

"What is purple and commutes? An Abelian grape!"

"I haven't heard from DAEMON MAILER in years. I really hope he's okay..."

"What's a farmers favourite part of a novel? The plot."

"A young girl walks in on her dad peeing... The dad fumbles around trying to cover up. Then the girl says ""don't worry dad. I've seen one before. Mommy brushes her teeth with the neighbor's."""

"Kanye's motivation to run for president . . . Mayweather's facebook page and twitter account! You can have them even if you don't know what is in them."