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Joke of the Day

"How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at night? He used a skeleton key."

"ME: let me be frank DAD: [eyes widen] ME: and if you say hi Frank I'm dad, I'm gonna be real pissed DAD: fair enough GonnaBeRealPissed"

"What do you call it when an author catches you off guard with innuendo? Surprise subtext."

"Sex is a lot like pizza. How? Let me tell you about the worst pizza I ever had: It was fantastic."

"Have you ever tried eating a clock. Nobody has time for that."

"NSFW Your dick's like Mt. Everest It's hard to get up."

"I hear most Muslims are capitalists... They're always going on and on about some Great Profit."

"The barman says 'I'm sorry we don't serve time travelers.' A time traveler walks into a bar..."

"What do you call an expert in psychedelics? A trip advisor."

"Why did Germany run out of gas? Because they gave it to the Jews I'll be in Argentina for awhile."