204517

Joke of the Day

"ME: let me be frank DAD: [eyes widen] ME: and if you say hi Frank I'm dad, I'm gonna be real pissed DAD: fair enough GonnaBeRealPissed"

"Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE? Neighbour: Get out of my house! Me: You're not even guessing."

"Thanks for the Christmas card featuring the ultrasound photo. Here's one of my family gathered around an MRI of my knee."

"Texting was a great solution to talking. But now replying to texts is exhausting so I'm done with all communication I guess."

"Two cows are standing peacefully on a hill. ""Moo"", pipes up the first cow. The second cow turns to her and says ""BITCH, I WAS GONNA SAY THAT!"""

"What is an archaeologist ? Someone who's career is in ruins !"

"I turn the radio down when I drive by cops so there's no evidence of fun."

"What did the train on the way to Auschwitz say? JEW JEW! TUGATUGATUGATUGA JEW JEW!"

"TIL 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the entire population. Title."

"eer booze and fun!' 'Two men walked into a bar. You would think at least one of them would have ducked."