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Joke of the Day

"When someone I don't know likes one of my statuses I think, ""Will this be the story we tell our grandkids?"""

"A woman visits an astrologer Astrologer: Would you like me to tell you your husband's future? Woman: No you tell me his past, I'll decide his future."

"*takes bite of food and immediately spits it out in disgust* What the?! Oh, I accidentally bought Hamburger Hinderer"

"when I kiss a guy who has a mustache I'll close my eyes and pretend he's either Mario or Luigi, depending on his height"

"So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra ..."

"The tattoos in your shirtless avi say 'bad boy'; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream 'living in mom's sewing room'."

"Why do the /r/jokes moderators like chess? It's the only chance they have to mate."

"I'm at my most NASCAR driver when I really have to pee."

"What do you call it... ...when you get head from a black girl and a white girl at the same time? Marblehead"

"What noise does a train say when it eats Chew Chew *crap joke*"