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Joke of the Day

"Spider-Man, hanging right in front of your face when you turn on the bathroom light."

"What do you think of Dracula films? Fangtastic!"

"Officer: Do you know you have a blinker out? Me: Yes, officer. Officer: When did you plan on getting that fixed? Me: 2005"

"What's a hipster's favorite painkiller? It's a local anthesisia anesthesia, you've probably never heard of it."

"I saw a midget carrying a TV to his car I asked him: ""Do you need some help carrying that plasma?"" He said: ""Fuck off asshole, it's an iPad"""

"I wish I had a job. That way I could spend all day tweeting when I should be working."

"People say I have poor grammar I guess I'm just unarticulate"

"I sleep better naked Why can't this flight attendant understand that?"

"Good thing the flames... Didn't make it to the cup. They would be playing water polo, not ice hockey."

"When I was 6, Santa gave me coal for Christmas, so the next year I decided to get back at him and poison his cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad."