224526

Joke of the Day

"Soda What do you call a soda that was beat up in a fight? CREAMED SODA"

"*at a funeral* haha. they should have provided SOUL food, lol. *nudges crying lady next to me* hey. they should have had SOUL food here haha"

"I've been reading a book about the history of glue. I can't put it down!"

"I got stopped in the street today by a woman with a clipboard asking ""What products do I use for grooming?"" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, ""Facebook."""

"What would happen if a rodent were to crawl into, and die in, a piece of equipment made by Dell? ... it would create a fell Dell smell."

"Editor: You wrote a play about Victorian England using menstrual blood as ink? Me: Yes, it's a period piece."

"Hundreds of years ago, a group of fat women secretly met under the cover of darkness. That night, they invented the word ""voluptuous."""

"I hope the zombies start with people that talk to me when I'm obviously counting."

"I'm thinking of becoming one of those hot girl accounts where you show like 70% of your face and tweet about your period and wolves"

"How many court cases have been thrown out because the judge needs a unanimous decision & the jury is made up entirely of dentists"