224360
Joke of the Day
"What sort of cereal does Thor eat? Loki Charms."
Next Joke
"How do men and women fill the fuel tank differently? Men jiggle the nozzle afterwards."
"What do you call a hoe that you use to stir a fire. An ash hoe."
"son: hey dad me: [picks up phone, dials 9] yes son: now don't get mad me: [dials 1] ok son: do we have a fire extinguisher me: [dials 1]"
"What do you call a cow with no nipples Yomama #getrekt"
"Which country has the most millionaires? Zimbabwe."
"Instead of murder/suicide, I'm contemplating the rare suicide/murder, whereby I jump out a high window and land on my girlfriend."
"Why do we measure snakes in inches? Because they don't have any feet!"
"""Good thing I guessed that today was probably a BYOB situation."" -me, chaperoning the kindergarten field trip"
"[Desert island] Me: JANE! Jane: What? M: It's a boat! J: HEEEEEEEEELP! Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats"