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Joke of the Day
"I was the atm today and an old women asked for my help checking her balance So i pushed her over."
Next Joke
"Yo momma so fat, the closer you get to her, the slower time passes for you in relation to an observer outside her gravitational pull."
"An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are all sitting at a bar... and I only know this because they won't shut the fuck up about it."
"Cats that run under your legs display the same genius as someone walking into traffic."
"I texted my girlfriend ""I love you"" and she texted back ""I love you more. When I went to respond I made a typo and sent ""I love you moist""....I figured why correct it, it's true too."
"What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities"
"Who was the first to see a cow and think ""I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"""
"Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the ""Like"" button."
"I miss the good old days when no one knew what gluten was."
"I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie."