223691

Joke of the Day

"Ten: Number of fingers children have. Twenty-six: Number of fingers children have when you try to put gloves on them."

"What Does a Man With a 12 Inch Cock Have For Breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg."

"If apples come from apple seeds and tomatoes come from tomato seeds, how come nothing is sprouting from the bird seeds I planted?"

"What does a parent say to their boy who keeps missing the toilet? Urine trouble."

"Ukrainian underpants Why should you never wear Ukrainian underpants? Because Chernobyl fall out"

"What do Volkswagen and a boy going through puberty have in common? They both lie about their emissions."

"What do you call feeling bad about watching lame reality TV shows? Survivor guilt."

"[giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda"

"what's the difference between a cross-eyed hunter and a constipated owl? the hunter shoots but can't hit..."

"Did your date order honey for dinner? Did your date eat the waiter when he brought the honey? Is your date a bear? You are dating a bear."