22339

Joke of the Day

"Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th? Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas."

"What's the most dangerous weapon your wife can get her hands on? Your credit card."

"[wife calls] did you write ""make all the traps from home alone"" on the calendar [me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] ""no"""

"A Jew walks into a bar mitzvah"

"Whats blue and bangs old ladies? Me in my lucky blue coat."

"My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, ""That's for all the cheating!"" She has a weird way of apologising."

"When I told my boyfriend love has to come from both ways... ...he suggested a threesome"

"(Court) Judge: You're on trial for excessive use of astronomy puns. How do you plead? Defendant: *leans in until lips are on mic* No comet."

"Why couldn't the woman date a German man? Because she was Klaustrophobic!"

"You know why it's called Black Friday? Because everything is 3/5ths the original price!"