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Joke of the Day

"George Clooney looks that way because when he was a kid he kept making handsome faces and it stuck that way. No, don't stare."

"What are the best kinds of speedbumps? Orphan shaped ones."

"How I Want To Die I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the four other passengers in his car."

"KiK? Nope. I only joke about divorce. I'm not committed to it actually happening."

"""Where's my money?"" - a loan shark ""Where are my friends? - alone shark"

"I can see clearly now the rain has gone; I can *backs into mailbox* see all obstacles in my way *runs over squirrel* omg I love this song"

"What is the difference between homeless and vodka? Vodka does not freeze"

"'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'"

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr.Dre"

"Relationship status: my period comes more often than I do."