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Joke of the Day

"What is a Coronal Mass Ejection? I might be wrong here, but I think it's when you throw up after drinking too much Mexican beer."

"I spent 2 hours at a gym looking angry with my arms crossed. The manager thought I worked there and gave me a raise"

"wife: I TOLD you not to try a 360 with the grocery cart me: It was really nice when everyone started clapping after they saw I was ok though"

"PMS is a myth It's really just an ovary action."

"*rubs lamp* Genie: ""you get three wishes"" Me: ""I wish I wasn't so alone"" Genie: ""k wow I'm like right here"""

"Yes officer, I did hit a pedestrian, but instead of dwelling on that why not focus on how many I've missed?"

"Some women are never satisfied. Last night i gave my girlfriend the biggest orgasm of her life. What did she do, spit it out."

"I still keep my old Blackberry on me in case I get mugged and the person's like ""HAND ME YOUR PHONE!"""

"Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?"

"Is cyanide the most efficient way to kill someone? Asking for a fiend."