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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to be a virgin for life Set a good example for my kids."

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because it was my first wank in two weeks."

"The moral of Snow White is if a woman poisons you because you're prettier than her, find some men to chase her off a cliff while you sleep."

"What does an older woman have between her breast that a younger one doesnt? Her belly button."

"What's harder the softer it gets? Typing withw my peniuasd 9damnit!)"

"A guy is fucking his wife up the ass when the house catches fire. Why does his wife make it outside first? Her shit is packed."

"What does a man often wake with, but can never go to sleep with? An alarm, you pervert!"

"Me: You a good personal trainer? Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am. Me: [through tears] Wow, that's personal. You're hired."

"Sorry that I passed you vapor rub instead of lip balm but your lips do look as robust as fortified wine now...Does that sting?"

"I'm upset b/c 2011 marks yet another year my birthday will not fall on Friday the 13th. I guess that's what I get for being born on May 3rd."