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Joke of the Day

"*angrily whispering over crib* ""Sheila you know I was raised by wolves. I have to pay it forward."" ""But why do they need their own cribs?"""

"A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap The psychiatrist says ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts."""

"What is the leading cause of pedophilia in America? Sexy children."

"I heard Tim Howard's daughters are all still virgins. Cause ain't no balls getting past him."

"French scientists announced that they can finally successfully clone a rat! Thank goodness! This will solve the huge rat shortage."

"[ping pong] ME: 3 to 2, my serve JESUS: M: can I have the ba- J: the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve M: [exhales] every time"

"Actual advice Mallard in a recent interview denounced his internet fame. It was quite a pro duck shun."

"Cute skinny girls wearing weird mismatched clothes: hot quirky hipsters Me wearing weird mismatched clothes: homeless lady from the 80s"

"From my 8 year old: What's brown and rhymes with poop? Snoop Dogg"

"What does the government and pedophiles have in common? They defile private things."