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Joke of the Day
"Necrophilia... There's nothing like cracking open a cold one."
Next Joke
"Why did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool."
"The most important thing in life is to be yourself, unless you can be Batman...always go with Batman"
"I'm lucky have a friend like you. I'm just glad he isn't TOO much like you."
"How do thieves kiss? They make out like bandits."
"I love playing catch with my dogs when I'm drunk, because I don't have dogs when I'm sober."
"What did the ant say when he walked into the insurance office? Insure ants?"
"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and says ""some asshole has my pen"" edit: Original Joke by Jimmy Carr (thanks /u/gacres57)"
"What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror? Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom."
"Coffee: you haven't had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it's running."