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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an anorexic girl that has a yeast infection? A quarter-pounder with cheese."

"I want to write in my resume how experienced I am in burning bridges... ...but I don't have anybody to use as a reference."

"Mark Wahlberg has requested a pardon for a crime he committed in 1988. His debut single."

"Now that people with zodiac tattoos feel stupid, I'm waiting for China to change its alphabet and indians to start clubs instead of tribes."

"My grandma was visiting and placed her pills in my cupboard... I asked her, Grandma have you seen the pills I have marked with the letters LSD? She said, No, have you seen that dragon in the kitchen?"

"Where did the hipster drown? In the mainstream"

"I talk a lot of shit for someone who still uses their fingers to count."

"I don't know how to do my own taxes or understand how the stock market works, but definitely listen to my political opinions on everything"

"What do you call a Chicken with lettuce on its eyes? Chicken Caesar salad."

"My friend Gav died to die... after taking to many heart burn pills. I cant believe Gaviscon."