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Joke of the Day

"""This little computer"" said the sales clerk ""will do half of your job for you."" Studying the machine the senior VP said ""Fine I'll take two."""

"How to propose marriage: 1. Drive to bridge 2. Jump off"

"Why did Jack get a restraining order? Beanstalking."

"I went out last night with a group of enthusiastic weavers. Unfortunately they had to rush off to meet a looming deadline."

"There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have sex with you. It's a Cos-Bee."

"What would be a good dating site for rednecks ? MyHeritage.com"

"*do a little dance* *make a little love* *get kicked out of this funeral*"

"I got friend zoned today.... So I asked if she knew what incest was..."

"What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common? They both have the same middle names."

"If I were the Town Mayor, I would rename our bridge ""The Influence."" ... Then I would direct the police to pull over and ticket everyone driving under The Influence."