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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a four-legged significant other? Dear"

"If I were to remove my intestines and lay them out, they'd reach all the way to my ex-wife's house. SEE, DEBORAH? I'M A MESS WITHOUT YOU!"

"It's crazy they couldn't shut bob marleys coffin when he died It kept jammin"

"Behind every entitled shit-head kid is a parent who cuts the crusts off their sandwiches."

"A woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre. So he gave it to her."

"Cop: Maybe it's your driving. Maybe you're drunk. Me: Maybe it's Maybelline."

"Where do most illegal immigrants go in America? Allah-bama."

"Aspirin Before climbing into bed, a man sets down a glass of water and an aspirin on his wife's bedside table. ""What's this for? I don't have a headache"" she says. ""Good. Let's fuck."""

"Didn't realize how much motherhood had changed me until I army crawled in & out of my sleeping baby's room to get my 1/2 cup of cold coffee."

"Chrysler is recalling over 24,000 vehicles due to unexpected brake failure that could put many unsatisfied customers out of their misery."