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Joke of the Day

"What's a pedophile's favorite shoe? White vans"

"What website do emo kids use for business networking? LinkedIn Park"

"Why is the moon so grumpy? It's just going through one of its phases."

"I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time."

"[fans out the deck] Pick a card, any card.. Memorize it.. [hits you in the face with a shovel] KING OF SPADES! [walks off]"

"Why was the Amish prostitute shunned? Because she was up to three Mennonite."

"Show your neighbor they shouldn't park their boat outside of their house by filling it with two of every animal."

"A kid asks if they had colors in the 1930s. Yeah, but you didn't see them all the way in the back of the bus."

"Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested ...charged with battery. *drops mic*"

"Me: ""Bond."" *lowers sunglasses* ""James Bond."" Cashier: ""You've been doing that for 35 minutes. Are you going to buy the sunglasses or not?"""