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Joke of the Day

"I went to the hospital today and told the doctor my baby was born 9 months early. She asked to see it, so I came on her face."

"A little boy asked his mother ""Mommy... why is daddy running in zig-zags in the back yard?"" ""Shut up and reload!"" she said."

"HWhy did the monster lie on his back? To trip up low-flying aircraft."

"I just heard the words ""she received an academic scholarship from the university of Alabama."" I never thought I'd hear ""academic scholarship"", ""university"" and ""Alabama"" in the same sentence."

"Who is the best Podracer in Star Wars? Michael Chewbacca EDIT: Some people don't get the joke..... Michael schumacher is a F1 race car driving legend. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Schumacher"

"I think I just had my first orgasm? I was shaking and my legs were shaking and everything. Then I just realized that wasn't a orgasm, ""THAT WAS A EARTHQUAKE!"" :'("

"Fun DIY Project Even YOU Can Do Step 1: Flip over empty wine bottle Step 2: Use base as weapon"

"im not a morning person. in the morning i am a goat"

"Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions? It pains them to have standards."

"There are 10 types of people in this world... Those that get it and those that don't."