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Joke of the Day

"I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too."

"How does a 49er fan change a light bulb? He doesn't he just talks about how great it use to be"

"A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds ""Wife Wanted"". The next day, he received 1000 of replies, all reading: ""You can have mine."" Free delivery also available at your door step"

"Whenever I try to steal from people I get stabbed by an old plastic fork or a stick. The homeless are resourceful, man."

"Global bee population is drastically dwindling, what can they do to save themselves? Pretty simple. They need to learn English and say Let us bee!"

"""Serving size: half sandwich."" Really, ice-cream sandwich manufacturers? I know what you're doing. And I don't like it."

"Me: my fitbit broke Sales Guy: how Me: i put it on my dog's tail and asked him who's a good boy Sales Guy: if i give you a new one can i see"

"""Mom I wanna go bungee jumping."" ""NO!"" ""But all my friends are going"" ""Oh! So if your friends jump off a cliff, will you too?"" ""Er...yes"""

"How Did Harry Potter Get Down The Hill? Walking. Jk Rowling."

"Katy Perry is such an inspiration to all those young girls out there who want to grow up and ride giant golden tigers."