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Joke of the Day

"Well, she was raised to refer to dinner as 'supper' so obviously it wasn't going to work out in the end."

"Why does the mushroom have a lot of friends? He's a fungi"

"I like my feminists like I like my sand. In sacks keeping the flood water away from my house."

"My favorite Caesar quote. ""Pizza! Pizza!"""

"What's it called when you're anxious enough to be a Helicopter Mom, but really, really lazy? A Blimp Mom? Yeah, I'm that."

"Everyone stop writing movies. Hollywood is just going to make every movie again every 13 years until we all die"

"How do you make a Scottish omelette?"

"DATING TIP: On a bad dinner date? Bite your tongue until your mouth fills with blood, say ""I must be allergic to this bread"" and then leave."

"My penis is 4 inches... ...but I find most girls don't like it that wide."

"Disliking the social justice crowd is to hating social justice as disliking the song ""We Are the World"" is to hating starving children."