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Joke of the Day

"I told my Jewish girlfriend I was going to stuff her in the oven Because she's my cutie pie!"

"When I was in the first grade my teacher could remember my name Which really hurt since I was home-schooled"

"Miss someone? Paint a helium balloon like their face. Deflate it. Put it in your back pocket. They're still gone and that was weird advice."

"What do the ninja turtles say when bad guys ask them where they learnt to fight Master splinter tortoise"

"Why was the blond excited when she finished her puzzle after 6 months? Because the box said 2-4 years!"

"I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established."

"Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers"

"Bill Cosby likes his women like he likes his town cars... Blacked out"

"What happens when you sit on a grape? It gives out a little wine!"

"(NSFW) Last night I tried to hit the ceiling with my jizz, but just like every night, I was unsuccessful. It was one of my many shortcomings"