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Joke of the Day

"How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one."

"Can't Sleep Whenever my son can't sleep I tell him to count backwards from 100 to 0. He usually gets to about 80 before I pass out and can't hear anymore. Works every time."

"A Cobra wanted to fight me but I challenged him to a thumb war and he slitthered away embarrassed."

"I've never lost a game of monopoly But I have lost a lot of friends."

"Dearest Neighbors, Please do NOT call the police, it's not domestic violence or a wild party. It's football season, that's just me screaming at my TV."

"Girlfriend: Im not the best cook, is that cool? Me: Yeah, I love shitty food."

"My daughter just announced she's SICK of stupid-ass people. I said ""Oh darlin, you're gonna feel ill for a long time.. they're everywhere."""

"So bored I just logged into my LinkedIn account."

"On 3. Ready? One. Two. Three. *Both show rock Again! *Both show rock Again! *Both show rock Again! Caveman: This game is stupid."

"I would teach Honey-boo-boo to speak in the third person, just to hear what she'd say if she had a small cut on her arm."