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Joke of the Day

"Job interview with the NSA Applicant: Would you like references? NSA: We have everything we need. App: You guys! NSA: I know, right!"

"My doctor told me to avoid trans fats. I'm really gonna miss tumblr."

"I was disappointed to find out my countertops were linoleum. I guess i took them for granite"

"I used to be indecisive... ...but now I'm not so sure."

"What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl? I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me!"

"What aspect of the game do women soccer players like most? Getting that good D"

"Did you guys here the Twins signed Adrian Peterson? Word is they needed a switch hitter..."

"Why are tourists to Scotland wrongly arrested as pedophiles? They say they came for the 12-year-old Scotch."

"I was thinking of telling you guys a gay joke. Butt fuck it..."

"Hehe My ewife still misses me BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER"