218651

Joke of the Day

"ME: omg I love your accent! Say that again! MY AUSTRALIAN WIFE: You're shallow and selfish. I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

"""What a nice doggie."" ""I'll have you know it's not a doggie but a pure bred."" ""YOU HAVE A DOG MADE OUT OF BREAD??!!!!"""

"How can you tell a cow isn't listening to you? Everything you say goes in one ear and out the udder!"

"I'm on the powerlifting forums, trying to convince everyone that kissing another man before you bench gives you an awesome adrenaline boost."

"Unicorns are extinct because they weren't horny enough. mind=blown"

"Dad did you manage to fix my toy? No it's not broken the battery's flat. Well what shape should it be?"

"Fact if it's mother is trapped under a car, baby adrenaline gives a baby the super strength of eight babies. But that's not enough babies!"

"Two people who like the same things will be good friends but two people who hate the same things will be best friends"

"How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? **ONLY ONE** But the light bulb has to want to change."

"that earthquake in LA was actually a huge crowd of white girls rushing into a wal-mart to buy a green t-shirt last minute"