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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I only disagree on the small things, like the importance of my happiness and whether anything I say matters."

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"What do you call Russian trees? Dimitrees"
"Wearing sunglasses while indoors let's everyone know you have no business making even minor life decisions."
"I told my mum I was goingto make a car out of spaghetti She was really surprised when I drove pasta"
"Some people think stalking is wrong... I call those people cops"
"Shoutout to the wife for stacking her shampoo bottles in the shower like she's on her last 3 turns on Jenga."
"Difference between erotic and perverted You can be erotic by gently stroking your girlfriend with a feather. But its perverted if you take the whole goose to do it."
"The biggest problem with stupid people is that they don't know they're fcuking stupid."
"I should probably see someone about my mental health, like a drug dealer or bartender or something."
"If you've ever wondered how many days you can reuse the same lemon wedge in your water pitcher in the refrigerator, the answer is not 11."
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