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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I only disagree on the small things, like the importance of my happiness and whether anything I say matters."

"Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender says ""Hey Mr. Pirate, ya know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" Pirate says ""Yarrrrr, it's driving me nuts."""

"What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? (From u/cherryslurpee) I won't pay 100 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Why do historians say Hitler was a great mathematician? He could always find the final solution"

"What happened to the religious idol when it was put up at auction? It was sold to the highest Buddha."

"My wife is like a plunger She's good at bringing up old shit."

"I'm going to beat you up with my penis. .... It won't even be hard."

"what if you thought you had met your soul mate but then you saw them put mayonnaise on a hotdog"

"I was very disappointed to have to pay for my new roof. The builder had promised me it would be on the house."