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Joke of the Day

"I realize that I'm obviously not learning from my mistakes....I still get up every morning and go to work."

"* feels winds of change * realizes it's just a hole in my shorts"

"What do you call someone who rapes a king? A penetraitor."

"Surprise parties are great. Depress your friend by pretending to forget their birthday, then terrify them briefly"

"Did you hear The Fonz wrote an erotic novel? It's called 50 Shades of Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

"It's kinda corny... What did baby corn say to momma corn? ""Where's pop corn?"""

"I bought zombie insurance recently it was a no brainer"

"Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second."

"I had an idea for a British ST:TNG spinoff It's called queue."

"A man started to throw words beginning with 'th' at me I dodge this, then and there but I didn't see that coming - Tim Vine"