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Joke of the Day
"Achieve the ""smokey eye"" look by setting your head on fire."
Next Joke
"If Being with someone is so great.... ....then why do all my married friends ask me how to delete their internet histories?"
"This is probably a controversial take but I think the sanitation worker responsible for garbage collection on Sesame Street should be fired."
"I've been told I can be a bit condescending. That means I talk down to people."
"What's a pirate's favorite letter? The P. If the P was taken away, he would be irate"
"Three ways to get something done Do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it."
"[Marriage Counseling] Wife: He's always messing up even the simplest phrases. Me: I THOUGHT we were gonna keep that on the download..."
"I wonder if girls got mad on dates in the 1700's because guys kept checking their treasure maps."
"How do I know I'm not Daniel Day-Lewis?"
"There's a high proportion of people with ASD in scientific fields. Autism causes vaccines."