217359

Joke of the Day

"Your secret is safeish with me"

"*knocks on bathroom stall wall* Forgive me father, for I have sinned. ""Huh? What?"" It's been 3 days since my last- [sound of diarrhea]"

"patiently explainin to a 5yr old that night lights only mean u will SEE the monster as it rips u apart.. that sometimes not knowin is better"

"Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella."

"What do you call a person who knows 3 languages? Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages? Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language? American."

"What do astronauts put on their toast? Space Jam."

"What do you call it if you put an IED on an Italian? Rigatoni!"

"When my new neighbor dies, I'm going to hire the same tree removal service he has outside my window right now to work during his burial."

"Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan? Make America's Weight A Gain."

"I, for one, completely agree with Hitler's plan... ...to kill himself. ____________________________________ Besides, if it wasn't for Hitler, who else would we compare our enemies to?"