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Joke of the Day

"[first date] OK don't let her know you're a snail Waiter: Would you like some salt? [flips table over] OH HELL NO [bolts out real slowly]"

"*drops pizza slice on the floor Hey can I get another slice? *eats slice that fell on the floor then eats new slice"

"When are people going to realize that ""the bigger the shoe size, the bigger the penis"" ... ... is a total phallicy?"

"I hope England beats Iceland... Or they will be out of Europe twice this week!"

"Roses are dead, violets are dead, ... I'm a bad gardener"

"What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition."

"What do you call a cow with no legs? ....ground beef... tehe.."

"Where did socially awkward Nazis get sent? To the conversation camp! (That was a part of my shower thoughts and popped spontaneously into my mind)"

"Altoids has begun marketing to the LGBT community. Their new mints are bi-curiously strong."

"I got fired for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer at work. She got fired too."