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Joke of the Day

"[first date] OK don't let her know you're a snail Waiter: Would you like some salt? [flips table over] OH HELL NO [bolts out real slowly]"

"We've all heard of Whistler's Mother.... But what about Whistler's Father? I guess you could say that he's out of the picture."

"I'm not afraid that the world is going to end.... I'm afraid that it isn't going to change...."

"I wish my garden was emo... Why? So it will cut itself."

"What Chinese name means 'wolf'? Hau Ling."

"How do you spell me? ""M E."" ""No you forgot the D."" ""There's no D in me."" ""Not yet."" It's a classic, my friend got me with this right after I got him with the ""duck weigh""."

"Fun prank: Super glue a baby to the floor and see how many people try to pick it up as they walk by"

"What do snotty vegetables do when they see something they don't like ? They 'turnip' their noses."

"[NSFW] I'm almost legal and want to discuss sex with my parents but I'm worried how incest will affect our relationship."