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Joke of the Day

"Either Chewbacca is in the next stall or someone needs to start adding green leafy vegetables to their diet."

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"[Doctor's Office] Seal: My flippers are sore. Killer Whale Doctor: Hmm interesting, swim a little closer into my jaws- I MEAN ONTO THE TABLE"
"When do you ground an astronaut? When they're astronauty."
"How did the headless chicken cross the road? In a KFC bucket."
"Can't afford those fancy water parks, so I just throw cups of water in my kids faces when they least expect it."
"What is 30 feet long and has 42 teeth? A bus full of rednecks"
"Why do the ladies love Jesus? Because he was hung like this! (spread arms out)"
"I've had an awful year. I lost my job, broke my leg and my wife's run off with my best friend... I do miss him."
"What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken ? Enough drumsticks to feed an army !"
"[on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll] Are you sure you're ok?"
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