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Joke of the Day

"I've squirted an entire bottle of No More Tears in my baby's face... ...and she's still crying. Parenting is hard"

"Where do footballers dance ? At a football !"

"World population:7,018,521,683....just in case some one starts feeling too important"

"I'm so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign. And before that, we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that shit."

"How do Jews do a pregnancy test? The woman spreads her legs and the man throws a penny between them - if a hand darts out to snatch it up then it's a positive"

"Never murder a death metal singer slowly... They always let out blaring death growls."

"Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a good looking dog... It was a pretty shih tzu"

"True Love Man: I want to share everything with you, my love. Woman: Let's start with your bank account."

"Some people have no respect. It's obvious I'm on my phone trying to do something & this guys all ""STEP OUT OF THE CAR WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"""

"What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together? 100 people who don't do dick."