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Joke of the Day

"ME: [at a party] hey! wanna come back to my place and- GIRL: hook up? sure! ME: [sadly putting away two Yu-Gi-Oh! decks] oh. awesome"

"What's the biggest sign she's just not into you? a restraining order."

"I celebrate 4/20 On 1/5 Simplify your fractions!"

"I thought it was funny teaching my parrot racial slurs, but I was horrified after reading his ""Race War Manifesto"""

"Inlaws.. What is the difference between a inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"Christmas is always awkward in Steve Harvey's house None of the presents have the correct names."

"You know you have something special w someone when u start finishing their sentences. But enough about me & my local Subway sandwich artist"

"*Nerdy guys phone rings* JOCK: ""Who was that, your girlfriend?"" *Everyone laughs* NERD: ""Nope. It was yours."" *Dead silence*"

"Q: What were Bill and Chelsea Clinton doing in the voting booth? A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics how to ruin the people!"

"What is the National bird of Pakistan? Drone"