215923

Joke of the Day

"People say musicians are gems I used to think Simon and Garfunkel were real gems, but then I about diamond and carbuncle."

"What do you call a row of boxers-in-training? A shitty punch line."

"*amasses epic army of stoners but we do nothing because epic army of stoners*"

"Does Caitlyn even have a vagina? ""No, she has a *Vajenner.*"""

"Your tweets are so boring the NSA just unfollowed you."

"if someone wakes up from a twenty year coma, i hope the first thing they see when they turn on a TV is mike tyson petting his pigeons."

"I had dream that I really had to take piss When I woke up I had peed myself. Thats when I relised... dreams really do come true"

"WIFE: This is dumb. DAUGHTER: This is so stupid. ME: This is getting out of hand! THIS: [leaping out of my palm] I HATE YOU GUYS I'M LEAVING"

"Why do people find it hard to eat vegetables? Wheelchairs are hard to eat"

"What part of Canada do the Inuit control? Nunavut."