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Joke of the Day

"People say musicians are gems I used to think Simon and Garfunkel were real gems, but then I about diamond and carbuncle."

"Torturer: I will break you Me: Do you wear that hood to hide your sadness? Torturer: *broken* ah hell man I just wanted to be a chef"

"Best anti joke ever Q: What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question? A:........."

"Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what's in the bed and go to the fridge."

"""We have a new product, it washes hair but it needs a name"" Shamcrap?! ""Awful"" Shampoop?! ""Get out!"" Shampoo? ""Genius!"""

"A teen walks into a girl scout meeting. They're learning how to tie different types of knots. The girl says ""Can I join you?"" They reply ""Can you knot?"""

"I almost died today, so naturally my first impulse was to pull my phone out and tweet about it."

"It would suck to have writer's block but then come up with a great idea for a suicide note."

"Don't be an ass, be an arse. Do it with class."

"I spent the night on a 4th dimensional alien ship. Surprisingly the surroundings were very familiar. Except in the bathroom they had a glory cube."