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Joke of the Day

"Life is a soup And i am a fork"

"Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested ...charged with battery. *drops mic*"

"TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel. Whoops, wrong sub."

"""Beep."" Zebra walking past a self service checkout."

"A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you ""I'm drunk"" is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying ""I'm delicious"""

"Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?"

"Haters gonna hate Alligators gonna alligate Waiters gonna wait Jet Fuel can't melt steel beams Potatoes gonna potate"

"tinder, huh? back in my day if you wanted a girl to notice you, you had to dress like a gargoyle and cling to the roof of her parents' home"

"Now that I think about it, I probably didn't need glasses for my butt. I guess hindsight is 20/20"

"May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning."