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Joke of the Day

"So i used to be terrible at asking for things in restaurants... I used to be too nervous to ask for condiments at restaurants... but one day i mustered the courage."

"How do you build suspense in people?"

"Why did everyone invite mushroom to the party? Because he's a fungi."

"Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner? He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Me: *sneaks out of the house* *drives to another state* *hides in a cave* *quietly opens a bag of chips* My kids: Can we have some?"

"Never accept a rap battle from a cricket unless you know more than five words that rhyme with chirp."

"I told my husband I'm pregnant. He said ""Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!"""

"The Sahara desert walks into a bar. The barman says ""long time no sea."""

"What do you call a black man being killed by the police? A warning shot."

"Yo mama so fat.... that when she sits in space-time she causes gravitational waves"