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Joke of the Day

"""When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?"" Yes, son. Love is terrible. ""No Mom, I said LAVA."" Oh. You maybe can survive that one."

"The cashier at McDonald's was more than happy to warm up some Diet Coke for my baby's bottle."

"JON: What should I do with these extra mustard packs? MARY: Just stuff 'em in the Lazy Susan. SUSAN: Hey, I'm right here! (*remains seated*)"

"""I don't want to make a spectacle..."" Eye glass manufacturers last day on the job."

"I like the lack of controversy over the Olympic men's figure skating ""No Need to Ask, We'll Tell!"" policy."

"I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the tube and think, 'I'll fucking have that!'"

"Procrastination Eh, that's not an important joke; I'll tell that one later."

"She changed her mind .. Hope the new one works !! ~TF"

"*holds seashell to ear* new shell who dis"

"This morning I saw a homeless guy talking to his shadow... Does that mean six more weeks of recession?"