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Joke of the Day

"Why are tampons always grumpy? Because they're stuck up cunts."

"I was at the confessional booth the other day and I asked the priest if he thought it would be a good idea to stop masturbating He said ""Sure, If it bothers you, I'll stop""."

"I got a new book and I can't seem to put it down. That's the problem with slathering one's hands with rubber cement before touching things."

"What did the food say to the other food, while inside a stomach? I won't digest yet."

"The toilet bowl tells the bathtub... ""I've seen more ass than you ever had"". The Bathtub replied ""Yeah, but at least I don't take shit from everybody""."

"""We like our beer the way we like our violence..."" ""Domestic"" -Stolen from a part of a Bill Burr skit. It apparently upset some easily offended people when they saw it at a bar"

"Son, when I was your age there was no social media. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women."

"Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!"

"Jennifer Lawrence has said that those who saw her nude photos should cower in shame... ...I don't know about all that, but I did shower after I came."

"Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite."