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Joke of the Day

"Why does Calvin Harris like reading fairy tales? He loves a good happy ending"

"Now that Donald Trump having a real shot at the presidency, who is most afraid? Every Juan!"

"My life is a nightmare since they legalized gay marriage Because I have Iridophobia."

"Our Great Dane has been causing quite a smell around my house. Whenever he barks I shit myself."

"I'm going to need to crash at your place for a few days. My girlfriend caught me measuring my cock the other day. She kicked me out. Apparently it fits right down her moms throat."

"BLIND DATE TIP FOR WOMEN: Throw a fork into the wall behind ur date so he has to turn around, to make sure he doesn't have a hidden ponytail"

"Every time I see the headline 'tragedy on film set' I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie"

"If laziness were an olympic discipline... ... I'd want to finish 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the medals podium..."

"The only school shooting I do. Is heroin in math class."

"I think about wizards and dragons way more than a wizard of 3 small dragons should. Dammit I meant mother of 3 small dragons. Dammit I meant"