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Joke of the Day

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU DON'T KNOW MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!"

"Why couldn't the rapist go to the bathroom? The door read ""Gentlemen."""

"Life of an avocado * Not yet * Not yet * Not yet * Not yet * Not yet * EAT ME NOW! * Too late."

"What do you call a Mexican that lost his car? Carlos"

"[pet store] Me *looking at snakes* ""CAN I FEED THEM?"" Pet Store Employee [never looks up from his phone] sure. Me *putting my kids in tank*"

"How do you call a singing PC? a dell"

"I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."

"Why did the little boy throw the linen off the bed when he saw a ghost? He was scared sheetless."

"Back in my day... You could go into a corner store with a dollar and come out with two Cokes, three candy bars, and a magazine. Now, fucking security cameras everywhere."

"They asked me if I was into minors... I said, ""Bro, hell no. That coal gets messy."""