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Joke of the Day

"Take a selfie it'll last long-wait delete that one my eyebrows look fat take another."

"Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!"

"You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you."

"I lost both of my arms today... its ok though. I've learned to embrace it"

"My heart sank when I received the text message ""I am breaking up with you. It's over between us"" from my partner. But ""Sorry, wrong number baby"" came afterwards. Whew, what a relief!"

"What did the miner say when he struck gold? Au, yeah!"

"EMOTICON GUIDE :) I'm happy ;) Having a seizure. Still happy :/ Having a stroke. Not happy :( I'm a grouper .) Lost an eye. Still happy"

"A man wanted me to engage in necrophilia... NSFW I told him to drop dead"

"My grandpa always said... They were so poor, if he wasn't born a boy during the Depression, he would of had nothing to play with."

"What's the difference between a drum, a woman, and a blowjob? You can beat a drum. And you can beat a woman. But you can't beat a blowjob."