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Joke of the Day

"They shouldn't be called Alligators they should be called AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHlligators! I made this one myself."

"Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures."

"Oil the single ladies Oil the single ladies Oil the single ladies Oil the single ladies If you liked it then you should have put a rig on it"

"My girlfriend let me try anal with her. It made my whole day! But it made her hole weak."

"I can't remember what 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals... ...fucking livid..."

"""I'll sleep when I'm Ned!"" -Exhausted pre-op who plans to go by Ned after the surgery"

"If my guitar weeped, gently or otherwise, the song I'd write would be called, ""Holy Shit, My Fucking Guitar Is Weeping."""

"American Fat Man Falls... ...Levels Japanese City."

"You know when you lie, things can get out of hand very quickly....... For example I heard about a girl who lied to her husband about how she got pregnant and now there is an entire religion."

"I invented a game where people get so stoned they can barely walk & chase each other around the yard. It's called...wait for it: Hash Tag."